new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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