even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
