the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
