Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
