2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
