No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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