Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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