Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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