the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
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i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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