is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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