There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
