He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
