Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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