how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
