I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We need to rekindle our bromance
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
