Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
