..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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