Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
