I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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