Pappa wants mamma naked
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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