i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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