yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
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