GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
