the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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