grandma shit on top of the toilet
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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