Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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