His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
