You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
