For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
