I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
