You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
