either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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