Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode