You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
