He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
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The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
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I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.