Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
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Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
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I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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