:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize