Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
