Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
