I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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