ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
