New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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