Cold hands, warm shart.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
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just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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