she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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