we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
