I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
