Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
