I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
