When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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