I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
