the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
