it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
