She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
