Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
