i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
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Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
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i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm having to shit out rocks
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