I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
