Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
