My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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