I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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