so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We have started to decorate penises.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
