She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
