Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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