Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
